I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
