with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
