I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
