Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
