"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
