You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
