he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
