Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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