found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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