apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
FUCK WHALES
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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