I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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