he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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