I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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