I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
