Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
