He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
