I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
