First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
