you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
