Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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