Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
