so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Define "chronic" masturbator.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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