Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
