10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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