I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
