it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
