I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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