Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Watching her eat just hurts me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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