**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
