My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
