I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
