Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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