i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
