Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
pray to the hookup gods
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
