you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
