i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
