Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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