drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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