I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
