I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
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