I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
