I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
