remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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