I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
