The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
