There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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