yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
