It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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