this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
