i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
