32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
