Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
