I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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