I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
